Remember those old Playboy magazines, the ones with the centerfolds?  On the back of the centerfold was this ridiculous questionnaire they supposedly filled out, and one of the things listed was the centerfold's "turn-ons" and "turn-offs".  Puh-lease.

Maybe they still do that at Playboy.  It's probably been at least two dozen years since I looked at one.  Once I could get girls of my own, I didn't see the need for it.  In fact, I remember one particularly passion-filled night that Bea Arthur and I spent at a Motel 6 in Bennington, Vermont...

But that's a story for another day. Plus I can practically hear the flop sweat forming on Ted's forehead as he is starting to read this post.

Anyway, I did have a point, and that is that we all have our own turn-offs and turn-ons with regard to a lot of things, including, naturally, blogging.  In the past I've shared some of my thoughts on how to attract more readers to your blog.  Today I thought I would list some of my turn-offs; some of the things that might make it less likely that I will return to a blog I am visiting for the first time.

A caveat: A visit a great many blogs daily, and I encounter all of these turn-offs in one or more of my daily reads, but because I already have a relationship with that blogger, and I enjoy their writing, I look past it.  However, a combination of several of these would likely cause me not to return to a new blog that I was happening upon for the first time.

Automatic music.  Aargh!  Nothing sets my teeth on edge more than music that starts to play when I open up a blog, even if it's a song that I like.  I immediately set about trying to find how to turn it off. I want to concentrate on the written words.  Now I love music, and I might click to play a song if you suggest it, but otherwise I kind of feel as if I am having that person's musical taste thrust upon me. 

Really long posts.  Almost all of us write long posts from time to time.  I'm talking about blogs where it's a succession of one long post after another. I'll be honest, unless every single post is really compelling, I am not going to read them.  I just don't have that kind of time.  Sometimes less is more.

Automatic subscription to comments.  This is not a big thing, I just think it's more courteous to allow the reader to click the box if he wants to subscribe, rather than assuming he will want to subscribe, which causes him to have to click the box if he doesn't.  Which sometimes makes him feel guilty.  "Him" being...um...me.  Again, not a big thing, many of my very favorite blogs have automatic subscription enabled.

Poor spelling.  This is a big turn-off.  We all make errors from time to time.  I'm certainly guilty of it, and I am sure somewhere in this post is at least one spelling error.  I'm talking about bloggers who habitually have error-ridden posts.  I've even seen some bloggers cop to their poor spelling.  Well gosh, rather than making us live with it, how about spending a little time cleaning up your posts?  Sheesh.

No paragraphs.  I won't read a huge long block of prose.  I can't. There are bloggers out there who don't seem to know what a paragraph is. It is very hard to focus on a post like that. It's only a matter of time before my eyes roll back in my head and I move on to the next blog. 

Obtrusive ads.  Hey, we all love ads.  Ads mean money.  Money allows us to buy Slim Jims and Pez.  But I shouldn't have to squint and hunt around for where the content is in your blog.  There are some blogs where the content almost seems like an afterthought; little more than an adhesive to hold all the ads together.

Odd color and font choices.  There are some blogs out there that are really hard to read.  Sometimes I feel like I need a magnifying glass and a translator to get through some posts.  Some of us are old and our eyes aren't what they used to be.  You want to make it as easy as possible for folks to read what you've written.

That's my list.  Maybe you have different turn-offs.  Maybe your turn-offs include rotund male bloggers with sparkling blue eyes who whine about what their turn-offs are.  That's cool.  We all have buttons that get pushed!

For the record, my turn-ons include long walks in the moonlight, fried Spam, and men who aren't afraid to cry.

And Bea?  If you're out there?  Call me. 

Posted by Mr. Fabulous at 08:37 AM in Blogging | Comments (13) | TrackBack (0)